When meditating one day, my mind drifted off to a past life that I’ve gone to before. I’ve visited many fragments of past lives by now, and the way I identify this one is ‘the one by the cliff’. I’m not clear about the time period or location. But the scene is crystal clear in my mind. I am a woman, with a small, young family who lives in a cute stone house with a big garden in front. There is a forest to one side and a cliff on the other side, which plummets down to a deep ravine, a river with rapids down below. We sell vegetables and produce in town to earn a living, and it a simple but happy life.
I see myself celebrating my toddler’s birthday, inside the house. I can see the small kitchen and dining room with a chunky and rough wooden table. Even though our faces aren’t clear, our cheeks are rosy and happiness fills the air. There is another child who is a bit older, joining in all the fun.
Then my mind flashes ahead. I’m searching for my toddler and I just know suddenly that he/she slipped off the cliff. The pain in my heart sent me to sobs in the meditation as I imagined all the details of his fall, his fear and need for me. I suffered the rest of my life with guilt that I didn’t protect him. I also felt guilt for feeling torn between my loss and my surviving family. I wasn’t able to pour my heart into my other loved ones who were still there. They were grieving too, yet I couldn’t comfort them. And I couldn’t let them comfort me either. I felt that there were miles of space between us.
My last words, were “I’m sorry, I tried. I’m so sorry.” I felt torn and divided and couldn’t find a way to pull it together and heal. I couldn’t find a way to love or receive love again. I thought about stepping off the cliff for many reasons, but I never did. Even though I chose to keep on living, I lived feeling dead inside for the rest of my life. Some of the many lessons I gained from this lifetime are to tap into the love that is already there; not to forget what is there, by focusing on what is not there; and just because it’s not physically tangible doesn’t mean it isn’t alive, real, present. Another lesson was to love and forgive myself, get outside of my own experience, and to make life meaningful again, rather than to just go through the motions.
There are many parallels to my current life. I often feel divided and torn between my kids, especially since one is so quiet and the other is very demanding. I was also extremely overprotective when they were young, and have only lightened up on this slightly in their adolescent years. The more I process, the more insights that come to me and I am humbled by the simple wisdom these journeys can give us.
Recently, I’ve noticed a message repeating itself to me from various sources. The message being, don’t bank on one door opening, because what about all the other doors? I shouldn’t narrow my dreams to manifest in one particular way. I should be open to the dream manifesting in the best way possible beyond my dreams. In this past-lifetime, I focused on my loss, rather than allowing myself to find joy again through my other family members.
Even the symbolism of living by the cliff reminds us that we have choices. Sometimes it’s the easy road verses the harder. Sometimes it’s authentic-self road verses the expectations-from-others road. Sometimes, taking the leap metaphorically is the more courageous option! Whatever filter your life gives you will allow you to see the messages that are meant for you. I thought it might be helpful to give an example of how a past life memory can guide you, and I wanted to share my experience.
